Gratefulness

Nov 29, 2015 by Jessica

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

(Psalm 121 : 1-2)

I’ve been one bad journalist / writer / blogger. I have excuses for not writing but listing them down won’t change a thing… So what’s been happening?

1. My baby is now a toddler. He’s a joyful active 16 months old.
2. We moved house. Quiet and safe neighbourhood and bigger space (than the apartment) for us now.
3. I turned 27 last week – and received a fantastic early present.

My motherhood journey reached its lowest point yet when N was 15m2w. N had diarrhea for a week and refusing to eat and drink during the first few days. He didn’t sleep well at night and it drove me nuts. He lost 300 grams within 24 hours and over the week he lost 600 grams. To put it into perspective, on average he gained 200 grams per month. N’s weight was already on the lower curve so I was slightly depressed by the situation.

During hardship as such, with no one in the same position as yours, what can you do? Pray.

I pray for my son’s health and growth. I pray for his appetite, because he wasn’t interested in food. I pray for his attitude. I pray because God cares about him more than I do. And speak for blessings, for all things good, lovely and excellent. Even though we often had rough meal times, I had stopped labelling N as bad eater. As it’s true that each time I mentioned that N’s a bad eater, we’d had rough meal time. I even forbade my parents to say negative things on N. Haha.

… A man reaps what he sows. (Gal 6:7)

Back to when N was sick, I was depressed. It’s sad to see your usually cheery baby became lethargic and it’s draining your energy as well. However God worked when all else failed. On day 6, N was suddenly interested in food. He ate non-stop for the whole day. Even during our trip to Jakarta on day 8, he ate a pack of biscuits and fruits after he finished his breakfast. His portion might not be much for other toddler, but it was an achievement for him. Since then he ate pretty much everything that we offered him. That’s including his new favourite: chicken drumsticks.

For a long time I prayed that N would love – or at least be interested in – food. These days if I show him what’s on the table, he’ll climb down from the sofa and walk towards his high chair. Sometimes when he sees what he likes (nowadays, steamed broccolis) he’s annoyed if I take him to wash his hands instead of put him on his chair. He loves eating up to the point where I’m scared that he might get chocked. There’s this one morning when he ate mangoes like a machine! I loved it though. I love seeing him trying to spoon fed himself. I love it when his eyes sparkles upon munching something he likes. I love how he pinches his food because using spoon is too slow. Or when he gulp down his soup straight from the bowl. I dislike messy meal times but at the mean time I want to enjoy my son loving his food. Table manner lesson will come as he’s mastering his utensils skill.

I love how God had showed me that everything will happen at the right time. Just as I was waiving my white flag on motherhood, I saw a miracle. My friend said that N’s eating well was my early birthday present. I think it was. Of course I had encountered other hardships, this was the tipping point. Before this incident, I often told myself not to worry because God’s love for N is bigger than mine. Yet many time I ran around in circles trying to solve the issue with my son. I realized that the issue wasn’t on my son. The issue was on me, being too hard on myself trying to be a “perfect” mom.

Through social media we can see what others cook / teach / make their kids and that make us feel insufficient. We see how much other toddlers are eating or how well they can read and we feel insecure about our kids. Even without comparing yourself to other moms, being a mom is hard. After all, we’re keeping a little human alive! I have so much adoration to my own mom, now that I am a mom too.

To sum my writing (that somewhat turned into a bit of ranting), I want to ask you what is the one thing that you are grateful for in November? Is it something major like a promotion, winning a lottery or probably winning someone’s heart? Or is it something “minor” such as having a house to stay in during this rainy season or going out with the parents for dinner?

give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

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