This is the song that we danced to on our wedding day. A beautifully written lyric that sums up the ups and downs of our relationship, and constantly reminds us of the promise we made to be in each other company. Regardless of the situation we have, we will keep on dancing.

Special kudos to my dear Phodi who asked me to have this dance. Thank you

I’ve watched the sunrise in your eyes 
And I’ve seen the tears fall like the rain 
You’ve seen me fight so brave and strong 
You’ve held my hand when I’m afraid

We’ve watched the seasons come and go 
We’ll see them come and go again 
But in winter’s chill, or summer’s breeze 
One thing will not be changin’

We will dance 
When the sun is shining 
In the pouring rain 
We’ll spin and we’ll sway 
And we will dance 
When the gentle breeze 
Becomes a hurricane 
The music will play 
And I’ll take your hand 
And hold you close to me 
And we will dance

Sometimes it’s hard to hold you tight 
Sometimes we feel so far apart 
Sometimes we dance as one 
And feel the beating of each others hearts

Some days the dance is slow and sweet 
Some days we’re bouncing off the walls 
No matter how this world may turn 
Our love will keep us from fallin’

We will dance 
When the sun is shining 
In the pouring rain 
We’ll spin and we’ll sway 
And we will dance 
When the gentle breeze 
Becomes a hurricane 
The music will play 
And I’ll take your hand 
And hold you close to me 
And we will dance

The music will play 
And I’ll hold you close 
And I won’t let you go 
Even when our steps 
Grow weak and slow 
Still I’ll take your hand 
And hold you close to me 
And we, will dance

Today marks our first anniversary. Today marks the special day that God gave us a year ago.

Our first year of marriage went quickly but it definitely wasn’t in a blink of the eyes. We moved out from our adopted home, Melbourne, to Bandung, a city so close yet so far from our beloved hometown Jakarta. While living in Bandung has been enjoyable, the move hasn’t been easy and enjoyable. How I wish finding and fitting in a new community, a new church and a whole new routine were as easy as singing good night lullaby. But God has been faithful. In times when situations and conditions made us doubt each other, and when we acted out to make each other desperate, he reminded us why we’re together and why we should stick til the end.

This year I thank you, Phodi, for standing up for me and for fighting for my happiness through the changes in our lives. For being so understanding and caring, for loving me more each day and learning to make our marriage and relationship as your number 1 priority. Thank you for your time to go on trips with me. We might not have a month long honeymoon trip but our monthly trips were so valuable and fun. I felt like I am on a year long honeymoon!

The kids in us

Borobudur selfie

Thank you for being with me while I continually learn each day to be your wife. Your supporter, your number one listener, your number one discussion partner. Thank you for being so forgiving. Thank you for being so persistent that we have to end each argument before heading off to bed. It surely ensures a good night sleep and a happy morning, regardless of the fight we had the night before. Thank you for your understanding that I can’t cook your favourite food just yet. I warn you though, that I might never have the heart to cook chickens and fishes’ heads. Hehehe.

Village life in Menado

The year ahead of us will be a different season. Next year will be our season of growth and learning as parents, as well as understanding and communication on a whole new level. Our baby boy is on the way and with all his laughs and cries, I believe he will bring great joy to our season.

our baby boy will love going to theme parks!

Selfie at Pantai Pintu Kota – Ambon

I believe that as long as we put God first in our marriage, he will always be with us. Do you realize that we saw many rainbows in the last year? I think within this year we saw at least 5 rainbows, including 2 double rainbows in Ambon and Sunshine Coast. I think those are God’s way to remind us of his grace and faithfulness. I know that just like the song we danced to on our wedding night, with God’s grace we will dance through all the seasons in our marriage.

I love you Phodi, happy anniversary!

]]> https://www.jessicaneva.com/2014/05/our-first-year-of-marriage/feed/ 0 https://www.jessicaneva.com/2014/04/it-aint-always-sunshine-part-2/ https://www.jessicaneva.com/2014/04/it-aint-always-sunshine-part-2/#comments Wed, 16 Apr 2014 13:34:21 +0000 Jessica http://www.jessicaneva.com/?p=790

week 23

 

Bersambung dari cerita sebelumnya (disini), begitu masuk mobil kita langsung bersyukur karena si baby dan saya baik-baik aja. Habis itu langsung deh ambil hp dan ngecek google tentang polip ini. Gara-gara baca google tentang polip, langsung saya dan Phodi gak jadi telpon orang tua untuk ngabarin apa yang terjadi. Kenapa? Karena hampir disemua artikel yang kita baca, polip ini dihubungin sama tumor yang jelas-jelasan bukan kasusnya kita. Daripada bikin panik padahal kita berduanya santai aja, jadi kita diem-diem dulu deh sampai kita yakin 100% tentang tindakan selanjutnya. FYI, Papi saya tuh canggih banget pake google (nurun banget ke saya deh :p)

Pulang ke rumah, langsung ganti panty liner supaya bisa keliatan kelanjutan spottingnya gimana. Minggu malem masih agak banyak tuh bercak-bercak tapi hari Senin pagi cuma ada 2 titik kecil. Okeh, no worries lah kalo gitu. Seharian itu saya baca-baca artikel lagi dan liat-liat forum tentang cerita bleeding/spotting selama kehamilan. Anehnya ya, walopun siang itu masih ada beberapa bercak tapi saya ngerasa yakin aja kalo polip saya ini gak berbahaya. Hari Selasa pagi, di panty liner udah gak ada noda sama sekali dan habis itupun saya lupa sama si polip dan tenang-tenang aja.

Selama beberapa hari selanjutnya juga hampir gak pernah ada noda/bercak apapun jadi saya pikir udahlah ya, kita gak usah ke dokter lagi sampai bulan depan. Udah gak ada apa-apa dan ke dokter cewek yang kemarin itu mahal banget karena untuk USG ada additional charge padahal kalo ke dokter kita yang biasa, harga yang sama udah termasuk USG. Tapi Phodi kepingin banget periksa ke dokter untuk peace of mind dan juga karena dokter cewek itu bilang kita gak boleh berhubungan sampai polipnya diambil. Heheheh. Iya juga sih… rasanya gak ada apa-apa tapi juga gak boleh ngapa-ngapain kan gimana ya…

Akhirnya hari Jumat, 10 April tepat satu minggu setelah kita cek bulanan, kita pergi ke dokter langganan. Si dokter simpatik gitu denger kita cerita dan ngerti kalo kita kuatir, beda banget sama dokter sebelumnya. Kita tanya banyak  banget soal polip dan gimana sebaiknya menurut dia. Si dokter jelasin pake gambar segala supaya kita beneran ngerti dan dia juga jelasin pilihan-pilihan yang ada. Phodi bilang terserah saya maunya gimana (diambil atau enggak) dan akhirnya saya mutusin untuk diambil karena si dokter bilang gak sakit sama sekali.

Sebelum mulut rahimnya diperiksa, detak jantung si baby diperiksa untuk pastiin kalo dia ok. Hello Baby! So good to see you. Heheheh. Nah kali ini karena dokternya udah kenal dan karena udah pernah, gak masalah deh periksa bagian bawah sana. Waktu dokternya liat, dia langsung bilang kalo itu bukan polip. Atau mungkin itu dulu polip tapi yang pasti sekarang bukan polip tapi kayak darah kering. Kalo menurut Phodi, itu kayak bekas luka berdarah yang gak dibersihin gitu, jadi si dokter cuma gosokkin cotton bud untuk ambil “polip” trus dibersihin aja sisanya. Trus udah deh selesai. Abis itu detak jantung si baby diperiksa lagi dan hello again, active boy!

Bekas polip yang kayak cotton bud itu disimpen di botol isi formalin dan bakal dikirim ke lab buat diperiksa. Kalo menurut si dokter, itu gak berbahaya jadi hasilnya dikasi tau waktu bulan depan kita ke dokter lagi. Tapi kalo penasaran dan mau telpon dia setelah 1 minggu juga boleh. Saat ini sih kita gak ada penasaran sama sekali jadi bulan depan deh ya baru dicari tau. Heheh.

Menurut dia lagi, pendarahan ini bukan dari si baby (puji Tuhan) tapi mungkin dari pembuluh darah leher rahim yang pecah. Si dokter cuma pesen supaya jangan capek-capek, which bingung juga karena saya kan anak baik-baik anteng di rumah ya… tapi dia juga bilang kalo capek itu bukan cuma fisik tapi juga emosi dan mental. Jadi keinget deh kalo minggu lalu, tepat sebelom pergi ke dokter saya marah banget sama Phodi. Waktu itu bener-bener upset sama dia dan mungkin itu yang bikin pembuluh darah pecah. Nah kan.. emang bener kata Amsal kalo hati yang gembira adalah obat. Hehehe.

Jadi sekarang semuanya baik-baik aja dan semoga selanjutnya juga begitu ya. Baby, be a good boy and stay healthy in mommy’s tummy. We will see you in August!

]]>

On exactly 220 days after our wedding, on Tuesday, 10th December 2013 we found out that I’m pregnant. After a week late period and 2 positive test packs, we made a visit to a gynaecologist to make sure that the test packs were right and that everything is ok in this early stage.

We went in and I was so nervous for the USG as I thought it would be a transvaginal ultrasound thank God it wasn’t! The doctor showed us a tiny 1.14cm sac that looked tiny and … meaningless. Seriously, I wasn’t that excited at all and I could see that dear hubby wasn’t too thrilled as well. Hahaha. We were obviously wanting to see something bigger, or at least having more shapes.

tiny baby to be

The doctor said that everything is fine and the pregnancy is around 6 weeks. I checked online the next day, the estimated due date is on 5th August 2014 which is 3 days after hub’s birthday! When we were engaged, I actually joked that I wouldn’t want to have our kids born on August because hub’s and his sister’s birthday are on August. I think we need to have a more spread out birthdays so we can have celebrations through out the year. Well now, so much for having party all year long.

Anyways, the doctor said to have no raw meat, high impact exercise and medicated cosmetics. However, sexual intercourse and raw veggies (as long as they’re cleanly washed) are fine. Good to know, I love my salad!

Also, as I went to Kuala Lumpur for a week, the doctor gave me 2 supplements for the next 2 weeks – that is until we see her for another USG to see the baby’s heartbeat for the first time! The 2 vitamins are Folic Acid and Utrogestan which is a progesterone hormone supplement. The doctor warned me that utrogestan might cause some dizziness and light headedness but lucky me, I didn’t have any side effect from taking utrogestan. So my week of jalan-jalan and makan-makan went so well. Good job baby!

Funny thing though, I was travelling heavily without knowing that I’m pregnant. Remember my trip to Ambon? I was already pregnant then and I ate nothing but grilled fish every single day. My baby would probably be an Olympic swimmer one day! Or baby boy/girl would love the sea much more that I do

I’m happy to say now that so far I have no issue with this pregnancy. Apart from that one day when I let myself became hungry and I vomited everything that I ate Lesson learned though. I always nibble on some cookies or fruits before my stomach screams for food and that way I avoid the nausea. This apparently works for most people on the forum I read.

Looking forward to go to the doctor on the 26th to see our baby’s heartbeat. So exciting! and of course, to later on share the news with our relatives. Mom, if you read this then you know it’s time to share the news.

In the mean time, please pray for the baby so it will grow healthy and well

Have a jolly holiday season everyone!

Hello Baby! You’re so much loved and welcomed already <3

A night before our 6th month into marriage, my husband and I were having a big argument over a simple matter. We rarely fight but when we do the argument usually started right before bedtime. While most of time I can sleep over the issue, poor husband can’t so we have to deal with the issue even if it’s in the middle of the night. Thankfully we rarely fight so we never experience sleep deprivation.

Back to few nights ago, we finally settled the issue and got to sleep straight away. The next morning we woke up and the first thing dear husband said to me was, “This is weird, 2 different people with 2 different characteristics getting married and God asked them to make a covenant with each other! Impossible!” I laughed in agreement, remembering what had happened the night before.

As I think about his remarks, I have to agree that marriage is an impossible concept. This is very much true as divorce is forbidden in the faith we both believe in. But then, my grandparents managed to marry for 50+ years before my grandpa passed away earlier this year. Some others even celebrate their 60th anniversary, so there must be some recipes to make a marriage possible.

I am not anywhere qualified to list down any tips for a happy and successful marriage but I remember some tips that were given to me before I got married.

1. Patience, lots of it.
2. Understanding and forgiving. Some habits of your spouse might change, while the rest won’t. Understand that to keep you sane.
3. Say “thank you”. Things happen because someone works on it, not because of magic. Respect and appreciate things.
4. Learn to communicate better. It will take a lifetime to polish this skill.
5. Keep the romance alive. Everyone loves hugs and kisses after a long hectic day.
6. Above all else, pray that God will continually strengthen the marriage.

The list can go on and on but those are the 6 things that we’ve been improving in the last 6 months, and probably forever. One thing I know for sure, I want to make this marriage possible.

Today marks the day of the big “I will” that was said a year ago. I was on my way home after work and it was drizzling. My then boyfriend, now husband, insisted to pick me up at the station because I didn’t have an umbrella with me. Fine, I said, but I wanted to make a short detour to buy some eggs for cooking dinner. There was a little pause, a hesitation, but he agreed to it.

So there he was standing with my trusted black umbrella, all smile and happy. We walked to the green grocer across the street and then walked home. Along the way I told him about my ambitious cooking plan for a weekday dinner, a Szechuan banquet. He smiled and said that we should go out for dessert after dinner. I said that we should see if I still have some energy left after cooking 4 dishes. We walked hand in hand and this was what happened next

This word came to mind last week as I watched a National Geographic series on 9/11, the attack on the Twin Towers in New York, USA on 9 September 2001. It must have been painful for many people who were directly affected by the tragedy; losing friends, family members, colleagues or others who lived in that city knowing that people around them were having such a hard time.

I have never experienced such pain and I don’t know anyone who was related to the event so I won’t continue talking about it. When I think about my experience in dealing with pain, my mind would straight away fly to my early uni year. I was torn apart by a relationship I was in, with a boy who obviously didn’t turn out to be the one. I was so blinded by lust that I stayed in the relationship for some months although it was against everything that I believed in. There were moments when I knew that the relationship wouldn’t go far but I was already chained to it.

When the relationship ended, my life was crushed. I’ve never been a hyperbolic and I’m still not one but at that point I understood the pain and feeling of a broken heart. The pain was so great and I can remember clearly that I have never shed that much tears in my life for anything. Days gone by and nothing changed as I did nothing differently. I mourned and pitied myself for what had happened and blaming myself for being so stupid.

A week gone by and somehow in my heart there’s an urge to speak forgiveness on that boy and more importantly, for myself. I didn’t understand it at first as I said I have forgiven him but apparently deep inside my heart still held a grudge towards him. Not wanting to cry some more, I decided not to meet him directly but instead I would deal with it through prayer. I was wrong though because as I spoke the words of forgiveness, tears flowing down my cheeks and I was like a hungry baby.

Then there was this feeling to forgive myself. I thought it was silly! How could to forgive myself as this is me and I should understand me and know all the consequences of my own decisions. The little voice in my mind again told me to say: Jessica, I forgive you. Desperate and tired of the heavy burden I’ve been having in the past week, I finally told myself that I forgive me. Nothing more to lose and nothing worse could happen, I thought. Apparently what happened was so amazing. I had more tears but it wasn’t a tears of sadness and regret but tears of relieve and gladness.

The forgiveness I gave myself was more than just words, it was a healing process. I acknowledged that I made stupid mistakes and decisions in the past but I told myself that a new beginning has started and I had to make the decision to step forward with it. I remembered that long time ago, my God has died for me and forgiven my sins so I have no reason to keep blaming myself.

There are times in life when we feel disappointed; people betrays, our inability to achieve a goal, others’ high expectation upon us, but remember this, the only way to keep moving forward is to accept ourselves and speak forgiveness. Speak forgiveness towards others but more importantly, learn to forgive yourself.

Being silly together

As a newlywed, I often got asked “How’s marriage life?” A perfectly normal question to ask yet it bothers me a bit. Just a tiny bit. Whilst it’s a simple question, somehow I feel that those who ask me this question expect an elaborate answer. Being me however, I almost always answer this question with the simplest answers possible: marriage life is great.

It is true, marriage life is great. My only picture of a perfect marriage life is the one I develop by looking at my own parents’. After all, as a child we all have different pictures of a perfect marriage, the one that we see from our own parents. We then subtracts, adds, multiplies and divides the bits that we like and don’t. We then imagine ourselves being a better spouse, and later a better parent. Don’t take me wrong, my parents are a great couple and parents but we need to be better than the previous generation, rite?

As I have a somewhat foggy picture of the marriage life that I want to be in, my dear husband also have his own dream which unsurprisingly is different from mine. We come from 2 different families, living in 2 different houses with different customs and habits! Oh dear! So if marriage life is all those differences coming into one, what’s so great being married? I’m not an expert in this thing, this is only my 3rd month being a wife bu

t I can confidently say that being married is a blessing. It is indeed a blessing to have someone to sleep and wake up with everyday, to have that someone that you can annoy , to have someone to pray together with every night and to have that someone who can help you discover yourself more each day. I guess most of the things I’ll share here would be related to the things I discover about myself, which include cooking! To be honest, I never thought that I would enjoy cooking and staying home THISMUCH.

Anyhow, back to the main topic. Our marriage is still a long road so we’ve got plenty of time to learn the hundred things needed to make it works. I’m glad that I made the decision to marry the right guy who has made me able to say that my marriage life is great