How can they be together?

Oct 15, 2017 by

Have you ever looked at a couple and thought “How could they be together?”

It could be the couple you’ve known for a while… probably your work colleague and his/her spouse. Or maybe your best riend or even your own parents. I’m talking more about the people you know rather than couples you judge based on their appearance.

Sometime ago I was talking with a friend when her husband interrupted us with an information that was slightly unimportant. My dear friend looked slightly annoyed by this occurence, giving him the “seriously telling me this now??!!” look.

My mind played up thinking how on earth they could be together. I have known them for a while and I can’t really see them together yet there they are, happily married with kids.

Then it hit me. Probably that’s how people see me and Phodi as well. How could we be together? Even my mom questioned (or questions — she probably still does) this. Haha (insert the most awkward laugh here).

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If Phodi and I were a magnet, we’re definitely the opposite sides. Phodi is an ENFP (extraversion, intuition, feeling, perception). Dominantly playing by his feelings and moods, Phod can get stress easily and tends to overthink things. He tends to overcomplicate things. However, Phodi is a connector and initiator. He gets things moving and loves people. An EMFP sees this world as a big web through his glasses of emotions. In a good way, everything can be solved. In a bad way, everything can be complicated.

As for me, I am an ESTJ (extraversion, sensing, thinking, judgement). I’m quite easy going, living a relatively stress-free life. However as an ESTJ, I tend to be decisive, particular with procedures and tend to be judgemental. I find it hard to communicate with Phodi when he’s overflowing with emotions. It’s difficult for me to understand why he needs to overcomplicate his thinking.

Apparently, we are really on the opposite side. An ENFP and an ESTJ’s relationship as stated below;

Challenging Opposites

People of the following types present the most potential for personality clash and conflict with the ESTJ, but also the best opportunities for growth. Because people of these types have fundamentally different values and motivations from the ESTJ’s, initially, it may seem impossible to relate. But because they are so different, their strengths are the ESTJ’s weaknesses, and if they are able to develop a relationship, they can learn a tremendous amount from each other.

Looking back at my own relationship with Phodi, I am grateful to have him because he provides me with the balance I need. I’m an easy going person and Phodi is there to remind me that I need to get going. I’m very particular with procedures (for example with my helper) and Phodi is there to remind me that tiny disorder is ok as long as everything’s done.

On the other hand, Phodi needs me to balance his life and untangle his messy web. Sometimes he overthinks stuff and needs me to help him see that things are not that complicated.

How could we be together? God’s grace really. Otherwise I might have run away the moment Phodi started another “why things are so complicated” conversation which honestly 50% of them aren’t that complicated for me. I have learnt to take things slow and simply say “Please Phod.. it’s not that hard to see that…”

I believe each couple have their own hair pulling / irritating / annoying / dramatic moments. And it’s important to remember that every couple has their own values. What’s important for you might not be important for others and vice versa. Maybe the next time I have this question, I’ll ask them, listen to their answer and I might learn something new.

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